marrow work

Disclaimer: This community voices submission contains vulgar language that is potentially triggering. Heads Up Teens does not support cursing, but aims to publish the most unfiltered versions of submissions from the community.

read your instagram stories
“8 dead”
“check in on your asian friends”
yeah, no shit

see your face on an infographic,
on a news article
see it on a poster on the street corner
watch it disappear in a week’s time

feel the shift when you go outside
the danger you never noticed
never even thought about
let it rend your chest in two

work yourself bone-tired
leave no time for thoughts
fall into dreamless sleep
isn’t this, too, a way of honoring your parents?

wake up and take a shower
let the water run bumpily down
the ridges of your neck and adam’s apple
let it scour your body, pry the darkness
out of your creases
throw up clear bile and watch it swirl down the drain

never take a break
never talk about it
let it hang thick and suffocating
in the air and blink it away

drink coffee
think thoughts
throw up the coffee in
yellow bile that drips
stickily down the side of your little desk trash can
think less thoughts

feel stiffness in the neck
old man tendencies and young man hopelessness
old man hopelessness and young man dumbandnumbness
down a can of arizona this is the most sickly you could’ve chosen dark earth-
brown-iced-tea so saturated with sugar you think you can feel the grains
sand down your teeth
don’t throw it up
drink another

work with the bloatedness in your stomach
until you can’t tell the difference
between the tiredness in your bones and
the ache in your marrow

feel nothing
feel stupid for feeling nothing
feel stupid for not feeling safe
feel stupid for not wanting on your face on a damn poster
feel stupid that you thought water could reach your marrow
and excise the dirty, dirty scum of the
feel stupid for choosing arizona
feel stupid for feeling stupid

throw up both cans of arizona and fall into a deep amorphous sleep.

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